Thursday, September 13, 2012

Flunking Back to the 5th Grade at 40

No one ever tells you that when you have kids, you will be forced to repeat your entire school career.  Starting with macaroni necklaces and finger paints, baby!  Yup. So get comfy in rehashing everything you learned (and all that you didn't) with no end in sight for the next 12+ years!

It snuck up on me, really.   I had worked in the school district for several years and tutored privately for several others, so at first, it was like being back to work.  ABC's.  1,2,3s.  Yellow & blue make green.  Sight words. If John has one apple and Sally has two apples, how many apples do they have?  No sweat! Even when Cait started to struggle with her work, it was still stuff I knew.

But then. Came. The 5th. Grade.  *dun dun duuuuuunnnna!*

Now, keep in mind that they throw a heck of a lot more a kids now than they did when I was in school.  At least, I don't recall doing algebra in the 5th grade!  However, I could be wrong.  Seems I have forgotten quite a bit.  (No age cracks! I know it says 40 in the title, but I'm not there yet! I have another... *looks at her watch*  Never mind!)

So, ya.  I am a flunky.  A diploma carryin', did my time, but didn't learning anything flunky of the public school system!  (Seriously.  You can stop laughing now.)  I am having to literally reteach myself almost everything minutes before I dive in to helping teach my daughter.  It SUCKS!

My lesson today: Cursive.  No shit.  Cursive.

I thought I had avoided ever having to use this crap again! Well, except for my autograph for those adoring bill collectors who are always scrambling for it.  I hate cursive.  My handwriting in high school was more of a precursor to what was later called D'Nealian (a cross between cursive and print). It was so bad, I ditched it all together when I went into tutoring. I perfected my print and rejoiced when computers became the norm and I could type everything!  Imagine my horror when I was suddenly faced with the question "Mom.  How do you do a capital "J" in cursive?" 


Oh, Holy crap!  I don't remember!  Wait.  Didn't someone tell me I would never really need to know this stuff?!?  And while we're at it, didn't someone else tell me, I would never have to actually rely on my ability to split an infinitive? Find the Least Common Denominator? Actually memorize Pi to the billionth digit?!?  WHAT J IS IN CURSIVE?!?!?!?

They. So. Lied. 

No comments: