This will most likely make no sense. If you walk away and make a sandwich while I vomit the thoughts from my head, that's fine. I'll probably still be rambling when you get back.
I started this blog back in.... crap, I don't remember when I started this blog... a while ago. It just sat here! Had, maybe one post? Don't bother looking for it. I deleted it. But then, a member of my mom's group started blogging. Then another. I figured it was worth another shot. After all, I was spewing enough books on our mom's site, might as well re-direct my efforts to one place in the event I wanted to re-read them at some point or share them with non-mom-group-members. That and most of the mom's were scanning my rants at best. I was feeling bad about all the eye pollution I was creating there. I mean, it was usually on topic and only a a little self centered. ;0) But where else was I going to spew my brain spittle?!? So, ya. The blog made sense for my sake and the sake of my fellow mama's. (Note: some of them would be quick to argue and say my stuff was funny/well worded/on topic/blah blah blah... but they are my friends and pay them to say that. Others said it was skim worthy at best, so... You be the judge. Read my stuff and either follow my blog or leave "YOU SUCK" in the comments section and kick rocks. Ok, maybe not that last part.)
I like creative writing. However, my definition of "creative writing" doesn't seem to be the same as my previous instructors definitions, because my papers always came back marked up with mountains post-it arrows and miles of red ink pointing out all my grammatical, punctuational and spelling errors. (Not to mention lengthy run-on sentences) I mean, isn't it creative to manipulate punctuation, spacing and what not in order to write like you talk? I always thought so. Apparently, what I saw as "creative", they saw as just "wrong." This quickly sent my love of writing out the window. My love was rekindled as I started posting about my families adventures on the aforementioned mama's group, which led me here.
The problem with this whole blog thing, is that I get performance anxiety. I know that sounds stupid, but bare with me while I explain. I started this to unload the rambling thoughts out of my head and have them stored some where. Then I get here and feel the not so piercing eyes of would be readers. Not that I have many. But still! And it's stupid really! I want to do this for myself! What do I care what others think? Because I'm HUMAN! *eye roll* Now, if I was a cat, this wouldn't be the case. Cats don't care what others think. Especially humans! But then, cats don't have thumbs, so... that would be pointless. All my entries would be about tuna and lack spaces.
Speakin' of Tuna... back with that sandwich? Good! Well, don't let me stop ya. Munch on. I'm almost done.
So, what is my point with all this. Well, not sure if I have one really. Just trying to figure some things out for myself. Answer some questions. Like... Do I want to keep blogging? Does it matter if no one really reads it? Is it better if not one reads it? What if people DO read it? Will that bother me? Do I continue to write like I'm aware others will be reading or more like I am writing in a personal diary and from the heart? And if I do, do I attempt to be more correct in my creativity or just give in and be creative in my own interpretation of the word? Will I slave to a schedule? Do I sign up on blog lists and with blog groups? Or do I fly solo and let the flow of the internet wave take me where ever the tide of surfers see fit? To tell you the Truth, I know none of these answers. Yet. But I will! This was my first step. Now that I've typed this all out and have read and re-read it, it will be easier to mull over as one big picture and not just a jumbled mass of fragmented thoughts. Hopefully, I'll have an answer soon.
Done with your sandwich I see. Wow. Did I really ramble that long? Eh. Nothing new.
Oh great. Now I'm hungry. Good thing dinner is already in the oven. ;0)