After less than two weeks of roller coaster hell, the verdict is in and the Effexor is out. A week or more of mania might sound like fun, but it isn't. Or rather, the crash landing isn't. I just called to throw in the towel on this med and trust when I tell you, it wasn't an easy call to make. Right now, I fell defeated. I feel like no matter what I do, this demon will always be within me waiting for a weak moment to take me out. To remove me from my life and loved ones. Calling Drew was like admitting I was indeed broken.
It doesn't seem fair. To be so vulnerable to oneself. Why? How unfathomable is it,that an otherwise strong minded, intelligent, and seemingly confident individual could become their own nemesis? Their own stalker? Their own bully? And, in some cases, their own killer? I won't lie. This part scares me. A lot. Truthfully, I fear myself more than I do anyone else. Probably why I can come across as so "on top of things" at times. In true prospective, I AM my own worst enemy.
For those concerned, don't be. My support team is strong, I'm switching back to my previous medication and I have poor Drew on speed dial. I will be fine.
If you are stumbling upon my blog via bipolar, depression, or any other key word related to mental illness in search of information for yourself or someone else, please know there is help out there and you are not alone. Here's a few good place to start: NIMH, Mayo Clinic, and WebMD.