Real Quick Update on PG Rebate BS

They never got back to me.  Not even from the email I sent.  Whatever.  My friend (fellow blogger/vlogger) MomtoDeshawn a.k.a. Tina of Saving with Tina!, came to my rescue with the much needed, 12 digit long UPC code I needed to send in my rebate form.  Thank you Tina.  You Rock!

As for P&G.... seriously disappointed.  Thanks for nothing.  ;0p

Maurice Sendak - RIP

Growing up, I had 3 loves: my cat, strawberries, and my books.  As I got older, my love for the latter turned into a full blown hobby of collecting children's books.  With the birth of the Internet, came the opportunity to expand my collection and even sell some of it for profit.  It also was the birth of my online nic: KidLit!  I even got jobs and joined activities that surrounded my love for the written word for small people.  Eventually, I furthered that love by having children of my own and sharing with them, my collection.  Many of said books have been loved beyond what most would consider a usable/readable state of being.  For that reason, I have a shelf of "untouchables" comprised of my favorite 5 authors: Dr. Seuss (a.k.a. Theo LeSieg), Shel Silverstein, Eric Carle, Jon Scieszka (added about 10 years ago), and Maurice Sendak. Needless to say, the news of Mr. Sendak's passing today was quite a blow.

Forever Hold Hell w/ Procter & Gamble!

Today, I set out to fill out a rebate form.  Seemed simple enough.   WRONG!!!!

Too Ugly to Vlog.

My last entry slammed Welbutrin.  Rather, the effects I was experiencing on Welbutrin.  You would have thought by the size of my rant, they would have taken me off it.  Nope.  They upped it.  To my surprise, it's working.  Sort of.  I'm not depression like I was, but I am still irritable, anxiety ridden and self loathing. 

I tried to take a suggestion from The Bloggess and video tape myself ranting about... myself.  Ya, that made it worse.  Sort of.  My last attempt made me realize I could never vlog because... well... I'm too ugly.  To me anyway.  It also brought me to another realization.  In order to eliminate my self loathing, I need to work on my self esteem, because that won't change with out some work, no matter how good the drugs are.  All this "realization" yet another realization: Things won't change unless I do something about it and I won't do that unless I put myself on blast.  And that's what I'm about to do. 

Med Changes... Again.

Welbutrin.   I can honestly say, I am not a fan.  So far, my side affects of this "anti-depressant" have included: crying, worthlessness, overwhelming thoughts, anxiety, frustration, bouts of confusion, hopelessness, .... I could go on.   Can we say "Epic FAIL?!?!?"  

So this "failure list" has been successful.  

"Failure List?"  I see some of your scratching your heads.  Let me explain.

In California, (... edited to make a long story short and to eliminate all the nasty things I really want to say, but won't...) they made cut backs, which included cuts to Medi-cal for those with disabilities. Understandable, but annoying (and other choice things I will again leave out.) Those with disabilities had to pick a secondary provider to cover some of the costs.  The provider I now have is Molina Health.  Molina is also doing major cut backs. (Again. Understandable.)  However, one of the  wonderful cuts included the one and only medicine that works best for my disorder. Cymbalta. Now, this does not mean they will NOT give it to me. It just means I have to try a laundry list of medications they think are "comparable" first.

So, in order to get the medicine I know works for me, I must try a shit load of meds and FAIL! I must put my health at RISK in order to get what I need.  To save them money.  Really?!?! And... would you believe, that my (non-Molina) doctor has that list typed up and in my file with a glaring title on the top that reads: "Medicine Failure List."  Not only that, but it has a note attached from Molina that says, "Cymbalta will be provided when all other medicines fail."  

WHEN ALL OTHERS FAIL!!

SERIOUSLY?!?!?

I have 3 kids.  Had these meds been too much of a failure, it could have cost them their mom!  Luckily, I have one hell of a support team around me. It could have been much worse.  These kids should not have had to see their mother go through hell and back so Molina could save a buck or two. Or am I wrong?  Honestly, I can NOT be the only one that sees the real epic fail in all this.

No matter.  I have "successfully failed" the last of the list.  Hopefully, this means the proper meds can now be made available to me and I can go back to being my normal awesome (albeit, weird) self soon. 

Namaste, Ya'll.

the crazy life continues...

After less than two weeks of roller coaster hell, the verdict is in and the Effexor is out. A week or more of mania might sound like fun, but it isn't. Or rather, the crash landing isn't. I just called to throw in the towel on this med and trust when I tell you, it wasn't an easy call to make. Right now, I fell defeated. I feel like no matter what I do, this demon will always be within me waiting for a weak moment to take me out. To remove me from my life and loved ones. Calling Drew was like admitting I was indeed broken.

i've been down for so long

Bad week. Been a slave to my bed and my kindle. Composed a few posts but struggle with editing. More specifically, cut and paste. Right and left click don't exsit on this thing!! But, I am alive. Comsidering my current mental drama, I am counting that as a success. Yes, it has been that bad.

Otherwise... I'm good! Or atleast, I will be. I will be.

More soon.