Wow. I'm a Wimp.

 

It's no great secret that I rely on the power of coffee to get my by.  However, sometimes not even a triple shot not fat mocha java can save the day.

Why do things happen in clumps?  Ok, I know the logistics of why.  No need to break it down.  It was more of a rhetorical question, but thanks! 

Busy? Remember... Stress Kills! Take a Minute.

That's right, Stress Kills!  Worse than drugs.  Can lead to drugs. Don't do drugs!  And you feel so frazzled that you start to consider them as an option (or offin' a kid or two), STOP!  Take a breath.  Drink a really cold glass of water.  Count to 10.  Sing a song.  Do a crossword, take a walk, jog in place, do a task you  actually like, or take a ice try full of cubes in to the back yard and chuck them suckers at the back fence as hard as you possible can while picturing Barney/Bieber/Who ever it is that bugs the heck out of you!!!!  *deep breath while clutching ice*  Then chant "It will be over soon.  It will get better.  I will be ok."  If that doesn't work, throw yourself to the ground (perferably in front of the kids so you can scare them with the threat of potential genetic insanity) and throw the biggest, loudest hissy fit you possibly can!!!!  Then when they question why you lost your mind, say it was all for them and to protect them from half-orphanism, to which there is no cure.

Consider this your PSA for the day.    I have done my job.  You are welcome.

*end PSA*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*begin rant*

I hhhhHHHHATE busy days!  Why do things have to clog up your calendar in clumps?  Why can't things spread themselves out?  Too many things going on causes a regularly slightly insane person go completely off the wall BATTY! 

Why do I bring this all up?  June.   That's right June.   Some how, some where, karma... God... the stars alignments... Murphy's Law (and the fact that I am from the Murphy Clan).... or some greater plan than what I can't begin to  fathom because I am not worthy, clumped 3 important dates in my life together by no real choice of my own:  My anniversary, my soon to be 9 year old's birthday, and my soon to be 1 year olds birthday.  AND because it is June, graduations.  Our anniversary is based on the day we met and both girls were mistakes in my rhythm method calculations wonderful surprises!   My son was the only one planned and that's why his birthday is no where near June!!  But his graduation is.  It's also the month we usually get to see our eldest two who live out of state.  And did I mention Father's day?  Can't forget Father's day!

This month sucks.

This week sucks.

Thursday: Libby's 1st birthday!!!   AND   Liam's graduation and the school's end of the year awards ceremony. Seriously.
Friday: Last day of school.  A shortened day.  Of course.
Saturday: Birthday party for the girls.  Last day we will have the eldest 2. :'0(
Sunday: Father's day.  Also, Cait's 9th birthday!!  (the 2nd time she has shared her day with Dad)

Needless to say, Wednesday and prior to Wednesday have and will be prep days for everything.  I'm tired and the "festivities" haven't even begun yet!  *yawn*

I need more coffee.
And time for me. 
Stress kills. 
Don't wanna show up to any of the joyful and memorable times in my children's little lives, dead.  That would suck.  No one wants a zombie on "their day."     Ok... Most people.

Wow.  I'm tired.  That made no real sense.   I don't think.   My mind is starting to rot.   That is exactly why I say "Take time for YOU!"     Potentially dead with mush brain is not good memorable.

I can't wait for my anniversary on the 23rd.   I get to get away for a couple hours!!  MOSTLY kid free. ;0)

I'm gonna need it.

Remember to breath.   (oh crap! *gasp* S'ok!  I'm good!)

Out with the turkey... In with the tree.

I know I don't have many followers, however for the one or two I do have, I want to apologize for my absence. It has been hectic. But then are the holidays ever free of chaos? If this time of year is calm for you, I envy you immensely.

I don't know why, but week after Thanksgiving always seems to be the worst. I mean, there's still 3 weeks or so before Christmas, yet it seems more like 3 days. Black Friday gets everyone worked up into a panicked frenzy in which they never really seem to come down from until New Years! You get that feeling that you should have more done, when in essence, the Christmas portion of the "holidays" has just started! Even if you try to slow down and attempt to just take some of it in, you really can't because you have this checklist continuously playing over and over and over again in the back of your head. Normally, it's relatively quiet and keeps to the back of your brain. That is, until you see or hear a trigger word from the list.

Example: I'm at my kids school trying to enjoy the Winter Concert last year. I think I've left the hustle and bustle at the door. Then, from a row back, I hear a child say she wants more of her apple juice. And immediately, that check list pops up with a voice of authority and says "APPLES! Liam's allergic. Need to pick a pie he's ok with." Then from the right, you hear a mother comment how beautiful the schools tree is. "TREE! Gotta remember to water the tree. Don't want it to go brown and lose all its needles like last year." The class on the stage sings "We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year." "NEW YEAR! What ARE we doing for New Year?" Principal says "Please be sure to stay for punch and cookies." "COOKIES! Have to make sure we have all the ingredients for sugar cookies so we can bake them for Santa." Father to son "pull up your sock." SOCKS! Do we have an equal amount of stocking stuffers for each kid? Don't want to play favorites." And on... and on... and on.... the mind never really seems capable of taking a break!

I don't want it to be that way this year. I want to be able to stop and smell the tree, taste the cookies and drink in how blessed I am with out it being tainted by what I should be doing. And I hope the same for you.

Have a happy and quiet month. Even if the quiet is only from with in. ;0)

Our Goofy Christmas eCard From Last Year.

Wordless Wednesday... and a few words

My first time knitting a hat. The color is called Grape Jelly. Yummy!

Ramblings of a Mad Woman

This will most likely make no sense. If you walk away and make a sandwich while I vomit the thoughts from my head, that's fine. I'll probably still be rambling when you get back.

I started this blog back in.... crap, I don't remember when I started this blog... a while ago. It just sat here! Had, maybe one post? Don't bother looking for it. I deleted it. But then, a member of my mom's group started blogging. Then another. I figured it was worth another shot. After all, I was spewing enough books on our mom's site, might as well re-direct my efforts to one place in the event I wanted to re-read them at some point or share them with non-mom-group-members. That and most of the mom's were scanning my rants at best. I was feeling bad about all the eye pollution I was creating there. I mean, it was usually on topic and only a a little self centered. ;0) But where else was I going to spew my brain spittle?!? So, ya. The blog made sense for my sake and the sake of my fellow mama's. (Note: some of them would be quick to argue and say my stuff was funny/well worded/on topic/blah blah blah... but they are my friends and pay them to say that. Others said it was skim worthy at best, so... You be the judge. Read my stuff and either follow my blog or leave "YOU SUCK" in the comments section and kick rocks. Ok, maybe not that last part.)


I like creative writing. However, my definition of "creative writing" doesn't seem to be the same as my previous instructors definitions, because my papers always came back marked up with mountains post-it arrows and miles of red ink pointing out all my grammatical, punctuational and spelling errors. (Not to mention lengthy run-on sentences) I mean, isn't it creative to manipulate punctuation, spacing and what not in order to write like you talk? I always thought so. Apparently, what I saw as "creative", they saw as just "wrong." This quickly sent my love of writing out the window. My love was rekindled as I started posting about my families adventures on the aforementioned mama's group, which led me here.

The problem with this whole blog thing, is that I get performance anxiety. I know that sounds stupid, but bare with me while I explain. I started this to unload the rambling thoughts out of my head and have them stored some where. Then I get here and feel the not so piercing eyes of would be readers. Not that I have many. But still! And it's stupid really! I want to do this for myself! What do I care what others think? Because I'm HUMAN! *eye roll* Now, if I was a cat, this wouldn't be the case. Cats don't care what others think. Especially humans! But then, cats don't have thumbs, so... that would be pointless. All my entries would be about tuna and lack spaces.

Speakin' of Tuna... back with that sandwich? Good! Well, don't let me stop ya. Munch on. I'm almost done.

So, what is my point with all this. Well, not sure if I have one really. Just trying to figure some things out for myself. Answer some questions. Like... Do I want to keep blogging? Does it matter if no one really reads it? Is it better if not one reads it? What if people DO read it? Will that bother me? Do I continue to write like I'm aware others will be reading or more like I am writing in a personal diary and from the heart? And if I do, do I attempt to be more correct in my creativity or just give in and be creative in my own interpretation of the word? Will I slave to a schedule? Do I sign up on blog lists and with blog groups? Or do I fly solo and let the flow of the internet wave take me where ever the tide of surfers see fit? To tell you the Truth, I know none of these answers. Yet. But I will! This was my first step. Now that I've typed this all out and have read and re-read it, it will be easier to mull over as one big picture and not just a jumbled mass of fragmented thoughts. Hopefully, I'll have an answer soon.

Done with your sandwich I see. Wow. Did I really ramble that long? Eh. Nothing new.

Oh great. Now I'm hungry. Good thing dinner is already in the oven. ;0)

Iz Gots a Smart Cookie!

Warning. I'm gonna braaaaag. BIG TIME! I hate to be one of those parents.... but I am. For this next post anyway.



Today was the CST awards ceremony at my daughter's school. (CST = California Standards Test). In order to better explain what she recieved and why, I need to explain a few things about CST's scoring. Scores fall into the following categories: Advanced, Proficient, Basic, Below Basic, & Far Below Basic. The test is divided into 2 subjects: Mathematics & Language Arts (atleast in the 3rd & 4th grades anyway). Each subject has 6 small tests. The percentage of right answers for each individual test is added up to give the overall scores for each subject and range from 150 (rock bottom in Far Below Basic) to a perfect score of 600 (top score in Advanced). Because the two subjects are tallied seperately, it is possible to be in two different categories (ie: Basic/Proficient).

That been said, today the 3rd & 4th graders received awards based on their categories and other achievements. First, they called up those who recieved Proficient in one of the categories and 5 happy kiddos recieved certificates. Then, they called up those who recieved Proficient on both subjects and they recieved a certs; 7 or 8 kiddos. (My daughter's autistic friend from kinder was called up for the double pro certs and we were estatic for her!!) Then, 10 or so more kids were called up for certs because they recieved Advanced on one subject. I was SURE Cait would be in this group and I got a bit worried when she didn't get called. That left Advanced/Advanced. And she was called up... along with close to 30 other kiddos!! DAAANG!!! AND, they not only did they get their 2 certs, they recieved little wooden plaques as well.

*warm fuzzy feeling and a flood of tears* I was so proud!

Two more sets of awards were given out. 5 kids recieved trophies for scoring perfect scores in both subjects! Outstanding! And one boy recieved two trophies for being the most improved in both subjects since the previous year. He was so stoked! I'm sure his parents were too.

Tonight, I treated my smart little cookie to an afternoon on the town. We had ourselves some tall drinks at the Jamba Juice and then some serious petty damage at the Sanrio shop! WE know how to throw down, yo! '0)

Financial Woes

* Roof over our head? Check!
* Food in the fridge? Check!
* Car in the drive way still? Check! wait.... *checks* Ya. Check.
* Power still on? Check!
* TV too? Check!
* Phones? For now... Half a check.
* Clothes that fit? Check!
* Credit cards paid? Ya... no. Sorry guys. I know. Poor credit. I get it.
* Pocket change for misc. Ha! Ha ahaha aahahh a ahahahahaaaa!! *cough* No.

Misc. is short for: Mom I want that, I want coffee, the fee for that is, crap that broke, the bus for the fieldtrip will only cost you, we need milk again, Oh, you want that clean, then I need soap, what do you mean you lost your library book, crap THAT broke, that was the last roll, make your sandwhiches out of crackers then, brush your teeth with warm water, I don't need no stinking bandages.... wait, yes I do, seriously.. I want REAL coffee, Gas Again... Didn't you just fill up, you need WHAT for your class, suck in, get the shoe horn, stop growing, I just bought those, well, we DID have enough for the week, please-coffee-now, that wasn't under warranty, get the duct tape/stapler/safety pins/glue, again with the gas, How Much Is THAT Gonna Cost!

*sigh* I need coffee.

And a job.

My Baby Says "Mama!"

There's nothing sweeter than hearing your child utter her first word. However, hearing it when she's only 2 1/2 months old, causes nothing but dismissal and denial. For the past month or so, my little cutie has been smiling, cooing, almost laughing and ... saying "Mama."

At first, I dismissed it as just babble. Then others started to point out when she would say it.

"No. It just sounds like it. It's just noises and cooing."

My neighbors agree, she was definitely saying "Mama." I said they were nuts.

It wasn't until one day when I was helping my older 2 clean their room, my baby girl started fussing. I started to rush through pick up so I could declare their room clean before I dealt with the dirty diaper, snotty nose, slobber and up spit I foresaw coming my way.

"MAMA!!"

Again, I dismissed it as possible and continued to fling toys into bins at neck breaking speed and deadly accuracy! But then, I received the ultimate confirmation...

"Mom. Libby just said "MAMA!"

Thank you son. I believe you're right. :'0)

That all been said and gushed over, she only says it when she's upset. To her, its a noise that brings me running and all the care she needs. I know she isn't actually associating me with the term "Mama." (That's me safely staying in the world of dismissal and denial... just in case it disappears tomorrow.)

Happy to Hear. Hard to Bare.

I never thought I would be so happy to have any of my children official diagnosed with anything. However, when it seemed my first born was following in the long tradition of suffering from the "family curse," I felt the need to get it documented as soon as possible. Better heads up for the school, for one. Easier for the rest of the family to understand and accept, for another. The biggest reason? So she could begin to accept it, learn to live with it, adapt around it, and grow successfully inspite of it.



I knew having children brought on the gamble of passing it on. But it's not all bad. Many very iconic individuals had the same thing. Difference being, we live in a time where more is known about it, less of a stigma surrounds it, and most importantly, she'll know early on. That's something none of them had... a head start.



She'll be ok.





Right?

{This Moment}

From Soulemama via Not Blessed Mama:

"A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see."

Ok, so I'm late a day this week. oops.

{This Moment}

From Soulemama via Not Blessed Mama:

"A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see."

Biting Off More Than I Can Chew... Again!

My beloved son turns 5 in 3 weeks. :0)

That same week...

* I'm throwing him a birthday party.
* He's starting kindergarten.
* My darling daughter starts 3rd grade.
* I'm participating in one of the greatest children's consignment sales ever.

and
* I'm helping some of my friends prep their items for same said sale.

That's a lot to prep for. Especially when I have an adorable infant who eats at the breast upon demand, a 4 year old who creates a path of destruction where ever he goes (topic for another blog entry), and an 8 year old who's idea of helping is counter-productive to say the least.

Have I lost my mind?!?!? Well, ya. Of course. Pretty much goes with out saying, but then I seem to thrive on insanity. The downside is the stress that comes with it. I don't do stress well. Never have. Hey, that's why they created coffee, right? *slurp*

If I survive, I'll be back in 4 weeks to blog about how it all went. Here's to hopin' I get to report that the party was a success, all my items (and my friends items) sold, the kids made it to school dressed appropriately and more importantly, my son makes it to see is 5th birthday.

You know you're a sleep deprived mama when...

You bring a new baby home and you think, "I can do this. I've done this before. No big." They sleep a lot and you sleep when they do. When you are both awake, you breastfeed, change and you both pass back out. Right?

Wrong!

You intend to sleep. However, LIFE demands your attention. This kid wants a snack. That one asks if they can paint. The dishes need to get done because the kids are using paper plates left over from a party 2 years ago to put their snack on and the guilt of how "not green" that is, gets you and you're fighting the baby blues. Oh! And then there's that load of diapers you need to do (so you don't use a disposable... see same guilt as listed above) and the small fact that your son told you this morning he is out of clean underwear, nags at you as well. Soooo, you throw in the dishes, a quick load of diapers (with a few pairs of unders for the boy) after slicing some apples, pouring some juice and popping in a movie so they are entertained for at least 15 minutes and you crawl back to bed. Rest is in sight.

Wrong again! This is when your youngest will take her cue and wake up. Why? Her hiney exploded! Not only did it soak through on to her clothes, but her bedding as well. Fun! So, after quickly treating the bedding, her outfit and misc. items from your own sadly neglected mountain of laundry and positioning them next in line for the washer, you dress the bed and make the kid. Things start to fuzz together. Coffee becomes a sweet day dream. The question in your mind is now, do you sleep or do you push through it and caffeinate yourself. Hrmmm...

No matter your decision, you eventually lose the battle and become sleep deprived. You may not even realized you've become sleep deprived as it tends to sneak up on you with out you even knowing it. However, there are signs that you have indeed fell victim to this terrible disease. I am here for you mama! Just in case you miss said signs, I have decided to list them for you. I don't know them all, but as I learn of them, I will post them here. If you learn of some I have missed, please do add them. It's for the greater good of all mama kind.

What will we do with all our new found wealth of knowledge? Commiserate? Use it to guilt our significant others into helping out more so we can get so much needed sleep? Or just get a really good laugh out of it? Who knows. Maybe all 3. Wouldn't that be nice?

Hey. One can dream..... when they sleep. Ya, but who gets to do that? *eye roll*

You know you're a sleep deprived mama when...

* You go to change your breast pads and find a third one hiding in the bottom of your bra.
* You make your baby and change your kid. (see paragraph 3)
* You have to read things several times before you totally get it.
* You use toothpaste on your baby's diaper rash and brush your 4 year old's teeth with Desitin. (no, I didn't do this one. But my MIL is guilty of the whole Desitin dental scrub)
* You go to pour milk into your children's cereal and realize the milk somehow ended up in the cupboard with the bowls.)
* It's then you realize you are also snacking in your sleep.
* Not only have you walked out the door forgetting to put on shoes,
* but have been in public for hours before you realize your shirt is on inside out.
* And backwards. (yes. It's happened to me.)
* You've had to re-wash the same load of laundry 5, 6, 7... hell, a dozen times... because you keep forgetting it's in the machine.
* You forget to run the dishwasher, find yourself drinking out of a dirty cup, shrug and keep drinking. (try not to gag and don't judge. I was really REALLY tired.)


Like I said, I KNOW there's more. I'll add them as I think of them. Please do the same. Hope these gave you a good laugh, guilt power and made you realize you are not alone. ;0)

Sleep tight mamas!